Notes

• Brian Swichkow and I (Tzen Lai) are relating from a place of relational sovereignty — a shared orientation we consciously chose when entering this dynamic, and one we are both exploring for the first time.

• This memo reflects my own inquiry and articulation emerging from that context. It is not a shared framework or agreed-upon position, but a personal reflection shaped in proximity to a relationship rooted in sovereignty rather than default structure.

Reflections

• From Brian:

  • "Anchoring oneself rather than outsourcing stability to a partner" << this inspires me to write more about the difference between relational sovereignty and secure attachments.

  • "Emotional detachment disguised as freedom" << I love this call out as it names the consequence of what seems to me Avoidant Attached behavior

  • “[Nor is it] No one can need anything from me” << YES! It's a "put your mask on first b/c you can't be in connection with anyone else when you aren't in communication with the you doing the connecting"

  • "Relational sovereignty removes the comfort of defaults." << Ugh, LOVE

  • "Non-hierarchy speaks to structure. Sovereignty speaks to authorship." << 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Tags

• Before Love Multiplies...